04-21-10

Quinn and Brooklyn are a week old today. This has been the most amazing week ever, especially last night. Richard and I got to hold and rock the girls for an hour. They just laid on our chests and stayed warm using our body heat. It was the best night ever. But I have been saying that all week. Each night just gets better and better.

They both already have Richard wrapped around their little fingers. He is quite ticklish and Brooklyn had his number last night. She would reach her little arm up and tickle his neck and it was almost like she was doing it on purpose. She was so precious.

Quinn was just as calm as usual. She just laid there and slept on my chest like a little angel. She was so peaceful. I could feel her breathing against my chest and it was the best feeling to have her that close to me. We never imagined we could hold them this soon.

Holding them against your bare chest is called Kangaroo Care. Studies show they do better when being held. I believe it did Richard and I better to hold them than it did for them to be held. Their nurse got a giggle because she said I hadn't stop smiling. It was the closest I had been with her since she was taken out of my belly.

When we found out we were having twins, I was overwhelmed. I was just getting over the shock of being pregnant and then this bombshell was dropped on me. I was adjusting myself and my upcoming world with one baby and now I had to rethink my world and add another baby. For those who are familiar with my weird ways, I take change with a side of stress. I do not deal with change for fear that I will not adapt as well as I want too. So the thought of one baby was a huge change and then there was two. And I would not change that for anything in the entire world. Last night, we both got to enjoy those babydolls at the same time. God knew what he was doing when he blessed us with two! He will not give us more than we can handle.

I have been feeling the full effects of motherhood. I want to relieve them from having to go through all this pain. Brooklyn had to have the central line put in her little leg yesterday. That means a line inserted into her leg that goes to her belly. They don't get any pain meds for anything. She felt the entire process. It just makes my heart ache to know what she went through. The nurse said she was really worn out afterwards. I am told they won't remember what all is done to them. But that doesn't matter at all. I know what is going on and it hurts me now knowing these things are being done to her. If you are asking why...technically it is better for them to have this line. It stops them from pricking her and poking with needles every time they need blood. Their vessels are so small that when they don't use a central line and they use the vessels, they will blow every time. In the long run, the central line lasts longer and they don't get poked with needles all day. The nurses get the blood from the central line. It just makes me want to cry. Actually I do cry when I think about it.

Quinn is still under the light therapy for the jaundice. Her levels are lowering but it does take a couple of days. While Brooklyn's lowered the other day, they did come back up yesterday. She will probably be put back on the light therapy. Quinn is doing good on her feeding thus far.

I don't really have any new updates on their condition. I guess no news is good news. One week down...9 more to go!!! That is so depressing to think about. It is the same feeling of dread I got when I thought about being in the hospital and how long I had to stay there. Now there are different players and a different game. I just wish I was the only one playing for them. It is just so unfortunate that Miss Brooklyn was given a bad umbilical cord.

I just wish I could turn back time and had a better outlook on being in the hospital. Maybe then I would still be there and babies in tow. I know it doesn't work that way but I can wish. Makes me think that all my complaining was so childish. I knew I was there for a good reason. I knew I needed to be there for my babies. I know I had no control over what happened. But maybe I should of handled it in a better fashion. I could have learned to love it and just lived with it. Bottom line is I WAS where I should have been. Doctors were right and I was a bully to think otherwise. Of course, this is hindsight that speaks. My impatience got the best of me in the first round of hospital stay. The second was a different take as far as the plan I was hoping to get from the Doctors.

I just want them back in my belly so they don't have to go through all of this in NICU. I will try to keep this updated everyday with the ongoings of the girls. I know every one is just as concerned as we are and I still appreciate your prayers. I tell the girls everyday how special they are to have so many people care about them.