01-10-11

It started snowing last night. We had about 6 inches of snow this morning on the ground. We layered clothes on the girls and went out to play in it. They were so stinking adorable in their hats and gloves. The girls were not quite sure of what was going on but it didn't scare them at all. Of course we took pictures and took video of the girls playing in the snow. Not to mention Toby had a blast jumping like a bunny rabbit in the snow. His short little legs would sink and he would have snow up to his chest.

On to a more sensitive and mushy matter. I was rocking Quinn this morning and I realized how much I truly love rocking them. I have mastered rocking both of them at the same time. I will have Richard turn on the monitors downstairs I will call for him when I am ready to put them to bed. I can't do that by myself without dropping them into the bed. So he generously comes in to save all three of us. My Nanny loves to tell me a story about her rocking me to sleep. I wasn't into the rocking deal until she came into my life. As a young child, I understood compromise. Because I loved her so much, I would let her rock me because she loved it so. When I was tired of her rocking me, I would tell her that she could put me in bed now. She complied with my ways and would cut her rocking short. Eventually, I would learn to love her rocking me to sleep. Especially when she would gently rub my ear and I secretly loved it. I realized while I was rocking them this morning that I am in love...I am so much in love with them.

Feeling their breath on my neck as I rock them is so calming. I have seen them at their weakest moments and during their greatest accomplishments. But nothing compares to the closeness that we have during the moments in that chair...rocking back and forth. They give in to the soothing motion and I must admit, I have given in quite a few times too. But I just feel so close to them and I take that moment to realize everything that I have to be thankful for. I look up to God and thank Him for all that he has given me. Sure, we have things in our life that cause us struggles and stress. But I have these two girls and I have to make the best of all our stressful situations...for them.

I feel like there is nothing in this world that can make anyone understand what I am feeling. Even if you are a mother, you feel similar things, but we all have our unique tales and feelings toward our own child or children. We visited my grandparents yesterday and my Nanny said, "We are just so blessed to have these girls here." I must agree with her on this one.

I love them. I love their poop diapers. I love their slobbery kisses. I love bathing them and putting lotion them. I love to hear their cry. I love crushing a pill every night for Brooklyn. I love consoling them when they tumble from their sitting position. I love their smiles. I love their constant need for me. I love that my house is a wreck because I spend my extra time with them. I love their presence. I just love being with them. I love them! I have this indescribable love that I wish I could put into words. As I was rocking them, I tried to put it into words in my mind. My heart is full of words that my mind cannot comprehend.

I think about not being able to rock them and I am glad that I am sitting in that rocking chair. I notice their lashes extending from their lids and accentuate their sky blue eyes. I am reminded of them laying in warming boxes without eyelashes and their eyes as black as the midnight sky. I am grateful to have marks on my hand from them biting me. So much love fills my heart when I see them interact and love each other. They talk and play and love to see each other. You can just see the excitement all over their face as they smile and laugh at each other. They may never remember the trials they endured before they were supposed to be in this world. But I will remember and Richard will remember. The faith we had during those months and the faith we continue to have will be a constant reminder of our path leading us here. These girls will be a constant reminder that we need to keep faith. I will admit that I am blessed and God has blessed me even though I don't believe I deserve it.

I can't put into words my love for Quinn and Brooklyn. I have never experienced this love for anything. But I will say that I have a whole new respect for a mothers love. I pray that women who get pregnant without problems, women that have a perfect pregnancy and women that have a perfect delivery will one day realize that not all women have it so perfect. Making babies, growing babies, and bringing babies into this world is a delicate job. I pray that perfect pregnancies will not be taken for granted. God has a plan for every living being in His world. He has a plan for Quinn and Brooklyn and I am anxious to watch that plan take place in their lives. I am thankful in so many ways to be sitting here and telling you about their new happenings. Just that opportunity is indescribable.

I had no idea something so clean cut as my love for them could not be described. And me of all people, can't describe it.

Alright, Brooklyn is dying to blog so here it goes. k89jUINVBBHVB H  NNN SDTSD4SAEX//SAZ
One day she will be able to translate that little message.

I have a new understanding for the unknown. I have an extra special understanding for the unknowns of pregnancy.

Brooklyn is acting like her Mom and losing patience. She has been sitting in my lap as I blog and she is bored now. So I must go entertain her. She requires more entertainment than her big sister.