06-11-10

Today is my 5th wedding anniversary. YAY!

Quinn is still doing well at home. She really only makes noise when she is hungry or passing a serious bowel movement. She is like a little moaning clock. She doesn't sway too much from her schedule. Although, Richard and I have swayed a bit. She is now feeding every 3 to 4 hours. Of course, she has her fair share of stinky diapers. I miss the suction deals at the hospital. It would clear her boogers out in a flash. SUCK SUCK!!! Now, the bulb just isn't good enough. There isn't really much you can do with a newborn baby. She just eats, sleeps, poops, pees, and looks around. On bath days, she is out for most of the day. I have slacked on my breast pumping. I don't keep to my schedule as well as I did before. It is difficult. I am feeding a baby at home but I still have to pump to feed Brooklyn. I have tried breast pumping but I wouldn't be able to do that everytime because I do have pump to feed Miss B. So I just pump and feed Quinn one of the bottles and save the other for Brooklyn. Little stressful.

You would figure that if I have a baby at home that sleeps pretty much the whole day that I would get things done. Well I do get things done between my trips to her room checking to see if she is breathing. It makes for a long day and I will have to admit my feet hurt worse than when I was standing on them working all day. The balls of my feet hurt from climbing the stairs. Next house will have NO STAIRS, guaranteed! I have since gotten smart and made a little baby changing goodie basket downstairs so I don't have to walk up there for every change.

Well, since being home I have been pee'd on and pooped on. I would take her diaper off and take her 10 feet to the tub and she pottys on me. Thanks Quinn. It is sweet things!!

When Daddy gets home she is in heaven because he will sit on the couch and lay her on his chest and she is out of hours. Mean ole Mom puts her to bed to sleep. She will live with it.

I will say that I am getting more sleep. Only because I am so exhausted that I can't help but sleep at night. I have tried napping during the day. But some days I feel like I need to do chores. Oh I have made a seriously long list of stuff to do. Thank you cards will be next on the list.

Well, Miss Brooklyn is so wishy washy. Today, she is doing well. She took most of her bottles. But last night she didn't finish any bottles completely. She is on a see-saw just flucuating up and down...back and forth. I am in the same mode I was when I was admitted the second time. I feel like a decision needs to be made about what can be done to get her off the see-saw. They have been watching her for about 2 weeks now and running tests about her low red blood cell count. So basically they continue to take blood to test her levels of "making blood." Go figure. No wonder she can't catch up with making RBC on her own. I just feel like a decision needs to be made about her situation. She is pale and has no energy to eat. A couple of weeks ago she was finishing bottles with no problems. I am probably going to set up a meeting with Dr. Leigh and discuss what is going on with her and her set backs. Perhaps I am getting anxious but all was well a couple of weeks ago and we should be passed this hump. My question to them, "how long are you going to watch her before enough is enough?" They have told me that her levels are not low enough for a blood transfusion...I understand. But it seems like she isn't making them enough on her own so another question is ... "can she make them on her own?" I will see what answers I can get. Last time I was in this mood, they took my babies out. Now I am questioning why I get this way.

Well, Brooklyn caught herself back on Lasix. Her goot and bottom area has been swollen and her arms are a bit puffy. So her weight was down this week because the Lasix is "drying her up." She weighed 3lbs 11.5oz last night. Again this was expected because she is on Lasix. Seems like she will never reach that 4lbs mark. It isn't her fault but it is a bit frustrating. I just really want my two girls together again. But I understand that she needs to be there right now. Momma is just wanting both girls home!!!

As a new mom, I am having a hard time accepting that someone else can care for Quinn and eventually Brooklyn the way I can. Funny thing is that I have no idea what I am doing and I know that others have more experience than I do. Is this a new mom thing? Am I just being silly? I do know it is a control issue. I have no problem admitting that control is a strong reason for these crazy thoughts of mine.

How am I supposed to go back to work after this? I need someone to come to my home for a reasonable amount of money to watch these miracles. I really need Richard or I to make more money so only one of us has to work. How do I make this happen?

One step at a time...got to get Brooklyn home first. I have been taking all the feedings so Richard could sleep but I have a feeling that I should give him some feedings so he can get used to it when Brooklyn comes home. There is no way I am spending an hour feeding in the middle of the night when it could just be 20-30 minutes per person. I have been noticing that with everything I am doing to take care of Quinn will be doubled soon. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.